How to make a shy guy approach you
I get tons of emails asking me about flirting tips for women and especially how to get a shy guy to come out of his shell. Well, with a shy guy you have to be more available, take the lead more often and maybe even give him the first kiss. Keep in mind, however, that he needs to be responding very positively to each of your moves. If he plays sports, go watch.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Simple Tips for Shy Guys to Approach Girls
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How Do You Get A Shy Guy To Talk To You?Content:
How to Get a Shy Guy to Like You and Ask You Out
Dating advice is outside the scope of this site, with this article being a semi-exception. Over the years several women have written me to tell me reading this site has helped them understand the actions of a shy guy they were pursuing. With that in mind I thought I'd try to be even more helpful and write a whole article outlining what it's like to be a man who's really shy and inexperienced with women.
At the end I give a few thoughts on what to do if there's a shy guy in your life you're interested in. Combined, the points below will describe a guy who's really, really inhibited and awkward around women. Not all shy men will have issues that intense or have every characteristic apply to them. I'll list some quick suggestions at the end, but for the most part I'll describe the issues shy guys deal with and let you draw your own conclusions about how to act.
As with all the other writing on this site, the points here are from a mix of my own experience and accounts I've come across of how shy guys say they think.
I also wrote a follow up to this article on some of the unique issues shy women struggle with. I'll break this down further below, but their central problem is that they're just really anxious , scared, and inhibited around women. Almost all men get a little nervous when they have to ask a woman out, or kiss her, or even talk to her for the first time.
But when a guy is really shy his nervousness is at a level where it usually prevents him from doing any of those things. It's legitimately strong, not something where they can just take a deep breath and push through it. Sometimes this nervousness shows up as the physical symptoms of anxiety. At other times it's more of a powerful, paralyzing hesitation.
Like they know how they want to act, but an invisible force field is preventing them from doing so. This could mean feeling too anxious to start a conversation with an attractive stranger they've just noticed at a party. It can also be longer term. Some shy guys, especially younger ones, have had a crush on someone for years and years, and have never worked up the nerve to talk to her. The occasional time that someone they fancy talks to them first they often get too flustered, and the resulting brief conversation consists of some stuttered half-coherent answers on their part.
That's not to say a shy guy won't sometimes be able to chat to someone he's into, but it's relatively rare. Sometimes they just won't get nervous around her for whatever mysterious reason. At other time they can force themselves to do it, but they're a total mess inside the whole time. One problem that can plague shyer guys is that sometimes their nervousness doesn't appear when they first meet a woman, but comes back to bite them soon after.
Initially they manage to come off as calm and charming and make a good impression, but then fall apart when the stakes get higher. The reason this happens is that when they first run into that woman she's new and they haven't had time to overthink things and attach any nervous feelings to her. They'll come away from the interaction feeling excited and optimistic about where things may lead. However now they have a reason to feel pressured and jittery around her, and that's exactly what happens.
The scenario then goes in one of the following directions: He's too nervous to talk to her again He does talk to her, but is such a withdrawn, obvious wreck that she's not interested He talks to her, but is too nervous to be himself, ends up acting like a goofball, and shoots himself in the foot He's so nervous that at that immediate moment escaping the anxious symptoms takes precedence over anything else, and he acts rude or aloof toward her to purposely sabotage his chance.
This 'setting them up, but not following through' scenario can happen to different degrees. The first is when a guy simply sees a woman around a few times and makes confident eye contact with her. She seems attracted and intrigued and like she's waiting for him to approach her. He sees this, gets nervous, and never conjures up the guts to speak to her. Another variation is when a guy runs into a woman, say because he sits beside her in a lecture, chats to her for a bit, and comes off well. She seems interested.
Enter the pressure. He can't work up the nerve to talk to her another time. A third scenario might be something more drawn-out, like a guy has a few conversations with a woman he never really thought of as more than someone friendly to talk to. He notices she seems like she's becoming attracted to him, and he blows things soon after. Sometimes a guy will be able to talk to a woman he's interested in, often because the circumstances put them together, so the onus wasn't on him to approach anyone.
If they like someone they'll often feel too nervous to ask her out and face the awkwardness and risk of rejection that entails. They may never ask her out, or put it off so long that by the time they do the moment has passed.
Even with all of the above stacked against them, a shyer, inexperienced guy will sometimes have enough things go their way that they end up in a position where they're alone with a woman and want to 'make a move' on them e. Unsurprisingly, they're really nervous and hesitant about this as well.
Same general discomfort and risk of rejection. They may have a blatant, all-systems-go opportunity where the woman is clearly interested, but they can't manage to go through with it.
There they are, sitting on a couch watching a movie with their date when the credits start to roll. She turns to face him, looking into his eyes expectantly. He returns her gaze and pauses for a moment, and a little longer, and a bit longer still Afterward he's kicking himself for being so spineless. He was trying to work up the nerve to kiss her all evening, and kept wondering if now was the right time to do it, but in the end he couldn't pull the trigger. One key fear guys have in this situation is if they're sexually inexperienced they're worried their embarrassing secret will be outed, and they'll be humiliated.
They may think something like, "I've never kissed a woman. I don't know what I'm doing. What if she can tell I've never done this before? And when you're really inexperienced yourself it seems that's pretty much every woman. Part of this comes from a belief that no woman would be interested in a shy guy if she's had already had a few boyfriends. It also goes back to that point I mentioned in the last paragraph about them fearing their inexperience being outed. This hinders a shy guy in two ways.
First, they'll often rule out more obviously experienced women as prospects. Too scary. Only harmless, innocent-seeming women don't arouse their fears. But there are only so many women out there who are just as shy, innocent, and inexperienced as them, so it really cuts down their possibilities, and makes them put that much more pressure on themselves when they do find one who fits the description.
Secondly, if he's into a woman, and she seems into him, and she says something that draws attention to her comparatively higher level of experience e. She seems a lot more daunting now. And they figure, why would she want him? She has experience, he doesn't. It'd never work out. With time many anxious guys can slowly face their fears and gain enough experience with the opposite sex that they're not as held back by their anxiety as they used to be.
They can start dating like everyone else. However, they may always have a tougher time of it than some men.
They're often late bloomers, since their nerves and general social awkwardness kept them from getting into the game as early as everyone else. Article continues below SPONSORED Free training: "How to double your social confidence in 5 minutes" On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.
It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. Click here to go to the free training. When a guy is shy and not confident about women insecure thoughts often flow through their heads in an effortless stream; "I'm hopeless.
I'll never get better. I suck with women. I'm a loser. I'm not good looking enough. There's no way that woman at work actually likes me. I totally screwed up with her the other day when I made that dumb joke. I give up. It's all quite self-sabotaging. First, a lack of confidence isn't all that attractive. Next, they can be hyper-alert for any signs of rejection, and almost eager to conclude the worst.
For example, if they're casually chatting to a woman and she mentions a TV show that he doesn't like, he may get deflated and think, "Ah man, she likes that show? There's no way she'll be into me now. Dammit, another prospect hasn't panned out. Story of my life. I'll never meet anyone.
A lot of what I've mentioned so far hints at this. It's hard to explain, but almost unconsciously shy guys can have the attitude that in order to get a girlfriend the world has to send them one packaged in such a way that they won't feel anxious or have to do anything that pushes them out of their comfort zone.
They figure everything will finally work out one day when they stumble into a woman who naturally likes them, who they won't have to take the initiative to talk to, who they won't have to ask out, and who has the magic combination of qualities which ensures they never feel nervous around her.
It's also really common for shyer guys to fantasize about meeting a really forward, aggressive woman who makes all the scary moves for them.
She asks him out, she kisses him first, etc. However, if a guy is really shy he may still balk in the face of someone so direct, and still blow his chance. The idea that if they want a girlfriend they'll have to actively work on finding one, or that they'll have to learn to cope with their nervousness , isn't on the map.
How To Approach A Shy Guy – When And How To Talk To The Quiet Men
And the worst part is that a shy guy may like you a lot, and still not do anything about it even if you make the first move. A shy guy may feel confident enough to sneak glances at you now and then, but he may be too timid to actually ask you out, or even initiate a conversation with you. Make the guy feel comfortable about exchanging glances and looking at you frequently.
John Daly, professor in the College of Communication at the University of Texas at Austin, reports that people who are shy approach dating with trepidation. When approaching a shy guy whom you're interested in, it's important to plan ahead so there's more of a chance that he'll respond favorably to you. Several strategies can help you pull off a more subtle approach for better results. Seek out a shy guy when he's in his element or doing something he enjoys, such as playing pool or jogging.
11 Easy-To-Miss Signs A Guy Likes You
Showing your feminine side, being mysterious, yet outgoing, are some of the best ways to catch a shy guy's attention. Given in this article are tips that will come in handy if you plan to flirt with that shy guy in your class. Shy guys have a kind of appeal that is hard to resist. Just imagine a mysterious guy who simply looks at you from the corner of a room when all the others are trying their best to impress you! His reserved nature, his hesitancy, his shyness — all these add up to his unique appeal which women find very sexy. However, there is one small hitch. Even if you like the guy a lot, he might take ages to actually ask you out. Now, you do not want to wait for years to know him or to go out with him, right?
How to Approach a Shy Guy
If you are interested in a shy guy you will have to understand their weakness and work with it. But all this is true only when he is not sure of your interest in him. Once you get close these inhibitions will drop away and he will get comfortable. The initial phase of getting the date going, and expressing your feelings, is what needs to be taken care of.
Dating advice is outside the scope of this site, with this article being a semi-exception. Over the years several women have written me to tell me reading this site has helped them understand the actions of a shy guy they were pursuing. With that in mind I thought I'd try to be even more helpful and write a whole article outlining what it's like to be a man who's really shy and inexperienced with women. At the end I give a few thoughts on what to do if there's a shy guy in your life you're interested in.
Tips to Get a Shy Guy to Fall in Love With You
So, in other words, practically impossible. People always say opposites attract, and there is quite possibly some truth to the statement. Do they seem sweet?
W hat to do when you find yourself attracted to a " shy guy ". How to safely open him up so you can better your chances of connecting with him. Today's post is filled with tips on how to talk to a guy whose shyness is making it tough on you. This was written as a direct answer to a great question from a dedicated reader who left the question below:. I used to be a very shy guy so I think I can help you out.
Dating: How To Approach a Shy Guy
The more I was watching, the more I realized that I am that quiet guy, and most of these would work on me. So, if you're into a shy guy, and you're not sure how to approach him, I guarantee these tips that Willie gave out will work. I'm not saying he will fall in love with you, but you will at least get him talking. There is nothing more terrifying to a shy guy than a pack of women approaching a him when he is already feeling uncomfortable. I'm not saying we're weirdos, we're normal, we just don't warm up to situations as quickly as an extrovert. We're typically total open books around people we know, we just clam up around people we don't, especially a group of women! For example; as Willie puts it, if he's playing on his phone, a good line would be, "You beat your high score on Candy Crush yet?
Not that you guys have any differences between yourself, it is just the fact that he is too shy to ask you out for a date. Just because it is scary, nerve-racking or intimidating for him to ask you out does not mean that it could never happen. Guys mature into men in numerous ways and one of them is through their relationship with women. In such cases, it is the woman who plays a dominating role in directing a man to shed off his coyness and say his heart out.
Shy guys are often considered attractive because their quietness seems to indicate maturity, intelligence, or mystery. Instead, catch his attention by smiling at him during class or making eye contact with him during lunchtime. To strike up a conversation with your shy guy, try some casual comments about class or vaction plans. It would be fun if we could talk more.
Subscribe To Our Newsletter! But here are signals you can watch out for that will tell you once and for all if that someone special shy guy really does like you. Here are a few telltale signals that are going to help you figure out whether or not this man is really worth your time. Think of it is you will as a form of conditioning.