How to politely ask your girlfriend to lose weight
You have a girlfriend, who you adore and your relationship is solid and loving and it has been nearly x years since you become a couple. You need to tell your girlfriend to lose weight. At least 10 kg by your estimate. Recently, you have noticed that she is less confident in herself and her appearance. It happens to all of us in winter or when we stop paying attention.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Get Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight - 8 Tested Tips
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Get Your Wife To Lose Weight: FOR MEN ONLY!Content:
How To (Nicely) Tell Your Partner That They Need To Lose Weight
It only takes a minute to sign up. I've recently started dating a girl and we're an item, and are happy hanging out together. We have strong feelings for each other. She is somewhat overweight not hugely so but not at a healthy weight and I am a little overweight. Although I do some exercise, usually playing squash and walking, I could still do with working out at the gym more. I would probably want to do mostly weight training, but I really struggle to motivate myself to go and let my gym membership lapse as a result.
I think it would hugely benefit both of us to go to the gym at least twice a week and I think a great solution would be for her to be my gym buddy.
The trouble is I know she is extremely insecure about her weight to the point where I have had to convince her on multiple occasions that I am attracted to her because she assumed I am not, owing to her being overweight. I think it would be good for both me and her to go to the gym regularly and I actually think if she got into it it would increase her self-esteem a lot and reduce the insecurity, but I fear that asking her to be my gym buddy would be interpreted by her as "I find you fat and ugly" which is not true at all.
I simply think it is a good thing in general to keep fit. At the moment her lifestyle is quite sedentary. So how can I go about asking her to be my gym buddy without hurting her feelings, and with a decent chance she'll say yes?
I'd like to sign us both up together at the same time for a nice gym and arrange to go maybe 2 days a week to work out for an hour each time. Make it about you and not about her. In other words, tell her that you want to go to the gym more often but have trouble getting the motivation, and it would really help you get there and work out if she would be your buddy and go with you.
That should remove a lot of her anxiety and have her feeling good about helping you out. I've found that it is much easier to work out when I know I have a buddy relying on me.
I covered a lot of miles running through ice and snow and heat and rain solely because I didn't want to disappoint the person I was going to run with.
You've probably had some similar experiences, even if it wasn't exercise, where you did something good for yourself because you were partnered up.
Think about that and have that ready when you discuss it with your girlfriend. Again, making it about you having it easier to work out if she's willing to help out. If your girlfriend is uncomfortable with her appearance she may not want to change and shower at the gym.
For that matter, depending on the state of the gym shower, you might not want to either. You could say something like "might be easier for me if I changed and showered at home" and see how that flies.
If she tells you no way she is leaving the gym sweaty and smelly, then you know that isn't an issue for her. She may also be more at ease if you don't go full on with buying a long term membership right away. Maybe just do some day passes. I know the theory is that if you buy a membership, you'll feel compelled to use it, but if you are already stressed about going, that may add even more stress.
And if you have several options for gyms, buying day passes lets you try out a couple of different ones till you find one that feels right. Some of the other answers to this question say that the OP should not try to help his girlfriend with her insecurity about her weight and appearance, and that by doing so, he is "body-shaming" her. However, the OP says his girlfriend is extremely insecure about her weight, to the point where he has to reassure her that he finds her attractive.
Her insecurity is a relationship problem. Exercising and becoming fitter is a well known way to increase self-esteem. As someone who was the "fat kid" that was bullied in school, I can personally speak to this. A buddy helped me get an exercise program started so I could train for a 7 mile race. That turned my life around and completely changed my self image.
Instead of just going to the gym, try to find a physical activity you both will enjoy doing together. Rock climbing is a great activity to get in shape, lose weight, and build confidence.
If there is an indoor climbing gym in your area, I suggest you two go and check it out. To overcome these types of objections, I usually reply, "No one will really notice or care, they're doing their own thing" or I've even said, "everyone will actually be impressed because they know you have to work harder than them!
Another thing brought up in the comments is that you both may find motivation to start going to the gym after partaking in these physical activities for a period of time. I've started going to the gym to work on conditioning to improve my climbing.
I'm much more motivated to workout to improve my strength and ability rather than lose weight or look a certain way.
She didn't feel uncomfortable and actually enjoyed it. For even lightly insecure people, a gym is a very intimidating place. Unless she want's to go herself and has expressed such a desire, you're unlikely to convince her to go straight to the gym. Been there, believe me ;. You're better off asking her to join you on your outside routines first, walking, biking, etc.
Then start preparing some of the meals on your plan. Next, try some of your workouts at home. All you need is a few dumbbells or resistance bands. You can ask her to spot you then Many people think that working out implies your current body is ugly; you want to break that idea.
I think your explanation in your OP does a pretty good job; I wouldn't be afraid to just be up front and honest about it. If I were you, I'd lead by setting an example. Don't wait for her to start working out! My mum a professional preschool teacher believed in offering choices -- never a choice like, "Do you want to wear a shirt today?
Similarly your GF might like a choice -- and not just, "go to the gym! We could go jogging, cycling, swimming, go the gym, learn a martial art, take dance lessons, join a soccer team, etc. A few friends and I decided we'd do breakfast together on a weekly basis, but do a park run first.
Some of us have cleared 50 runs and are well on our way to ; the others keep forgetting their bar codes so the runs don't count.
We run as a group chatting mostly supporting the slowest after all the fittest can handle running for longer. If the route repeats whoever is tired can opt to skip the second round, but it happens rarely. While the above is written quite tongue in cheek it is quite true and the rationale is actually quite solid. No one wants to go do a negative activity, but everyone one wants to do a positive one; more so after doing a negative one.
So ask her if she'd like to do something fun, but mention that there is a caveat, namely before you do the fun thing you have to do some form of exercise. I can't find it now, but it boils down to do something fun after doing something less so. Consider both her and your point of view, would you prefer going to some gym or would you prefer a jog to the nearby coffee shop for a chat about your day and a big ol' piece of cake?
The implication I was aiming for in my answer was that by asking her to do something positive with you it indicates your interest in getting to know her, it improves the relationship, and bypasses her connotations associated with the gym. Saying let's exercise beforehand sets a challenge you both must complete to get a treat. It turns the whole thing around from "I think you're a plump little duck let's hang out with mechanical devices and strangers to change that" to "Hey!!
Fun idea, let's waddle to the pond and watch the willows and reeds sway in the wind as the sun sets". That is, let us do something crappy, hard and really miserable, but celebrate out accomplishments together afterwards, heck knows I need it, but I sure don't want to do it. After all, the gym may be your end goal, but it does not mean it's hers. Taking it easy at first with some alternative activity lets you surreptitiously ease into an exercise routine and before you know it she gets keen on the fitness thing and asks if you'd consider gym after a few weeks.
On how to convince her, you might want to approach the issue on the fun way rather than the healthy one - tell her about the pleasant feeling soreness brings, how she'll feel she has more energy, how you're gonna spend more time together , committing on a common activity. Tell her that you need someone to motivate yourself, as you just told us. People are way more likely to go something good if it serves other rather than just themselves.
What I also found helpful to convince my SO to go to the gym with me is to subscribe to a duet formula - you pay for one, you bring a buddy - whoever they are, whenever you feel like it.
These formulae are way cheaper than two regular subscriptions and only slightly more expensive than one regular formula so it'd make your girlfriend more comfortable and less afraid of wasting money if that's something that bothers her. Allow me to challenge this one a little. You have decided, seemingly independent of her, that she needs to make a change based on your view of her body. Note: I'm a ish lb female-presenting human. I do work out now, but not to lose any weight, I just like the idea of lifting lots of stuff.
That said, for years I didn't do a whole lot beyond walking because I take transit everywhere , and was perfectly healthy by my doctor's metrics and could still do pretty much anything I wanted that didn't have a weight limit, like ziplining etc.
You might not be happy with your body, and that's fine, its the meatsack you're stuck with, you're welcome to decide to treat it as you like. But assuming that because you think she's overweight, she needs to go to the gym and workout and change that, and therefore she has to be approached carefully so you can convince her to do what you think is right for her body seems She's well within her rights to be upset and hurt if you tell her she needs to change herself.
Just because she is overweight based on your opinions of what that looks like, doesn't mean it's actually something that actively needs to change - being of larger body proportions doesn't necessarily guarantee that she's not fit, or not healthy. So perhaps, you might want to rethink this - you seem to want to find a way to spend time together in a more active sense, and that's a laudable goal, as long as both people want to do it.
Has she expressed any interest in what you do at the gym? Or has she mentioned any other sort of "active" activity that you might better enjoy, because you're doing it because it's fun and not because you think she needs to lose weight, and therefore pushing her this way is going to make her miserable, and thus potentially resent not only the workouts, but you for making her feel inadequate because she has to do this?
I get it - we all want what's best for our partners, but we also need to realize that what we think is best for ourselves is not always best for others. She might have her own very valid reasons for being the size she is, or for not wanting to do the gym thing. You need to respect that. I'm gonna go counter to the other answers; most are focusing on how to ask her to the gym, I'm gonna focus on whether you should.
I've been there: you love someone so much that it hurts to see them not take care of them self.
How to Get Your Girlfriend or Wife to Lose Weight
Send your questions to The Humanist Dilemma at dilemma thehumanist. We love each other, and she is very eager to get married. I would like to get engaged with the condition that she must lose a specific, reasonable amount of weight before the wedding.
Q: My girlfriend gained weight. Is there a right way to encourage her to slim down again, or do I avoid the issue all together? But I would advise you to think very, very carefully about how you do it. Maybe something about more cardio each week? Tell us we might benefit from more gym time, or point out our recent obsession with those super-caloric but delicious Starbucks seasonal lattes?
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Experts weigh in on how to broach the topic without hurting your relationship. While her partner wasn't the catalyst for her weight loss, for some women, it's one of the worst things you could ever imagine coming out of a loved one's mouth: the words "you're fat. Hurtful, maybe, but in some cases, absolutely necessary for the person's own health and well-being. In cases where one is morbidly obese, it could even save their life. But for some people, excess weight serves as a shield, one that they aren't quite ready to shed. According to certified health coach Holly Stokes, "Weight can be a way of hiding who we really are from others so they don't reject us or get too close, and often, it's a way of insulating yourself from a partner's criticism. So instead of coming off as critical, try a more positive approach. Caryl Ehrlich, a weight-loss coach who helps people beat food addiction says that if you decide to tell someone they need to diet; there are tactful ways to take this step. If you don't go about it the right way, Ehrlich says, it could have severe repercussions.
Ask her out for ice cream!
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Can You Tell Someone You Love They Need to Lose Weight?
Just like you should never ask a woman how old she is, you should certainly never ever ask her how much she weighs. It's not just the number on the scale; other weight-related topics should be off-limits too, including commenting on someone's body type, giving diet recommendations, or doling out unwarranted fashion advice. Not only is it rude and intrusive, but most people would rather talk about literally anything else besides their weight or overall appearance.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Ask Her to Lose Weight Without Hurting Her Feelings
How do you do that? Chances are your partner will immediately take it as negative feedback or criticism. However, the closer we are to someone, the harder it gets to give them honest feedback — particularly when it comes to delicate topics. Weight is just one of those touchy subjects — especially among women. A nicely intended reference to the muffin top can quickly lead to several days of the silent treatment — uh oh! If someone points a weapon at us, we have two possibilities: attack or defense.
How to Tell Your Girlfriend to Lose Weight Without Sounding Rude
Is your girlfriend putting on weight and you are wondering how to ask her to reduce it without hurting her feelings? We will help you with the techniques of telling your girlfriend to lose weight. Although you have a very close relationship with your girlfriend, you cannot say or tell something on her face like asking her to reduce weight. There are some tricks to be learned in achieving success in this task. First of all, decide whether you want your girlfriend to lose weight only for your sake and if the answer is yes, your approach is absolutely wrong.
The world was quick to inform him that no, it's not okay to ask your significant other to lose weight for you, especially when it's simply for the sake of losing weight. And I feel like a bad person for being bothered by it. The post has so far accumulated over 9, comments, many calling out a dysfunction in his relationship.
How can you make her feel motivated to lose the weight and to feel happy about doing it, rather than having to get into unnecessary arguments with her where you try to convince her to lose the weight and then, she ends up getting angry at you and it causes problems between you and her? What you need to understand is that her level of motivation to look good for you is directly linked to her level of attraction for you. She then starts asking you to put in loads of effort to improve your physical appearance for her.