List of questions to ask your partner before marriage
When we think about finding someone, falling in love, and settling down, we rarely like to think about one of the possible outcomes of getting married: getting divorced. Divorce is, unfortunately, a real part of some relationships. And, ideally, that starts way before you even get married. Asking the right questions can start you on the right foot for married life—and help keep divorce at bay. Here are eight questions to ask your partner before you get married, because an uncomfortable conversation now can save you so much heartache later.
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Good Questions to Ask Early in the RelationshipContent:
- 276 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY
- Questions Engaged Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage
- 8 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Marriage to Prevent Divorce
- 50 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Connect on a Deeper Level
- 7 Unexpected Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Getting Engaged Or Walking Down The Aisle
- 100 Deep Relationship Questions To Ask Your Fiancé Before Getting Married
- 50 Questions You Must Ask Before Getting Married
- 100 Questions You Should Ask Before Marriage
- 13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
- 10 Important Questions To Ask Before Getting Married
276 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY
Whether because of shyness, lack of interest or a desire to preserve romantic mystery, many couples do n o t ask each other the difficult questions that can help build the foundation for a stable marriage, according to relationship experts. In addition to wanting someone with whom they can raise children and build a secure life, those considering marriage now expect their spouses to be both best friend and confidant.
These romantic-comedy expectations, in part thanks to Hollywood, can be difficult to live up to. It can be hard to keep secrets decade after decade, and reticence before the wedding can lead to disappointments down the line. With the question of children , it is important to not just say what you think your partner wants to hear, according to Debbie Martinez , a divorce and relationship coach. Before marrying, couples should honestly discuss if they want children.
How many do they want? At what point do they want to have them? And how do they imagine their roles as parents? T alking about birth - control methods before planning a pregnancy is also important, said Marty Klein , a sex and marriage therapist. Bradford Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, point ed to research his organization has sponsored that indicat ed that having had m any serious relationships can pose a risk for divorce and lower marital quality.
This can be because of a person having more experience with serious breakups and potential ly compar ing a current partner unfavorably with past ones. Raising these issues early on can help, Dr. Wilcox said. If two people come from different religious backgrounds , is each going to pursue his or her own religious affiliation? Scuka has worked with couples on encouraging honest discussion around this issue as the executive director of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement.
What is more, spouses are especially likely to experience conflict over religious traditions when children are added to the mix, according to Dr. It is better to have a plan , he said. Disclosing debts is very important.
Scuka recommend ed creating a basic budget according to proportional incomes. Many couples fail to discuss sharing finances, though it is crucial, he said. Couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or recklessness.
Buying a car is a great indicator, according to Mr. C ouples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on, he said. Going into marriage, many people hope to keep their autonomy in certain areas of their life at the same time they are building a partnership with their spouse, according to Seth Eisenberg, the president of Pairs Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills.
Klein, and that should be discussed , too. Wilcox suggest ed asking your partner when he or she most need s to be alone. As long as you and your partner present a united front, having a bad relationship with your in-laws can be manageable, Dr. Scuka said. But if a spouse is n o t willing to address the issue with his or her parents, it can bode very poorly for the long-term health of the relationship, he sa id.
At the same time, Dr. Pearson said, c onsidering the strengths and weaknesses of your parents can illuminate future patterns of attachment or distancing in your own relationship.
Couples today expect to remain sexually excited by their spouse, an expectation that did n o t exist in the past, according to Mr. A healthy relationship will include discussion of what partners enjoy about sex as well as how often they expect to have it , Dr.
Klei n said. If people are looking to experience different things through sex — pleasure v er s us feeling young, for example — some negotiation may be required to ensure both partners remain satisfied. Klein sa id couples should discuss their attitudes about porn ography, flirting and expectations for sexual exclusivity. Ideally, sexual exclusivity should be talked about in the same way as other day - to - day concerns, so that problems can be dealt with before a partner becomes angry, he said.
Pearson suggest ed asking your partner outright for his or her views on porn ography. Couples are often too scared to ask about this early in the relationship, but he has frequently seen it become a point of tension down the line, he said.
Martinez hands her premarriage clients a list of the five love languages: affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Eisenberg sa id that a couple needs to work out how to nurture the relationship, in a way specific to them. Can you imagine the challenges ever outweighing the admiration? If so, what would you do? Anne Klaeysen, a leader of the New York Society for Ethical Culture , sa id that couples rarely consider that second question.
Keeping the answer to this question in mind can help a couple deal with current conflict as they work toward their ultimate relationship goals, according to Mr.
Wilcox said t his discussion could also be an opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner will consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates, or whether they expect marriage to be for life, come what may. Please upgrade your browser. See next articles. Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose? Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers? Will our experiences with our exes help or hinder us? How important is religion?
How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all? Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail me out? Can you deal with my doing things without you? How important is sex to you? How far should we take flirting with other people?
Is watching pornography O. What do you admire about me, and what are your pet peeves? How do you see us 10 years from now?
Questions Engaged Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage
Check into the blog throughout the summer to read our series.. So, you want to get married! Or, maybe you're starting to think about it. Have you had discussions with potential mates? What things did you discuss?
Many marriage education experts and therapists caution that when couples believe in the myths of "happily-ever-after" or "love conquers all," problems in the marital relationship may surface within a short time after the wedding. The success or failure of your marital relationship may hinge on how well you deal with issues such as finances, sexuality, communication, conflict, parenting, in-laws, leisure time, family of origin, spirituality, expectations, and chores. Even though you may be very busy with wedding preparations , it is critical that you make time to prepare for your life together by exploring your relationship in more depth. Communication, along with a willingness to grow closer together, even when the topic is difficult, is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Your personality traits, temperament, and "attachment style" will all play a role in the success of your relationship.
8 Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Marriage to Prevent Divorce
It signifies the love and commitment you have for each other. What beliefs do you have about yourself that resulted from your childhood? If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be and why? Were you allowed to express your emotions as a kid? Why or why not? What should we do if we end up having mismatched sex drives at some point in our marriage? Is there anything from your past that might affect our sex life?
50 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Connect on a Deeper Level
I haven't made it down the aisle quite yet that's another article for another day but as a wedding planner, I get to talk to many newly engaged couples. One of the first things I like to ask them is how they knew that he or she was the one. Oftentimes, that answer is tied to a conversation the couple had. It's a surprisingly hard question, but couples usually have a set answer that works for them and fits in with their story as a couple.
An open and honest conversation can help bring you closer together by building trust, mutual understanding and compassion. Communication will bring understanding and understanding will cause harmonious mutual relationships which can establish peace and stability. Understanding is the gateway to compassion and love , and questions allow us to obtain that necessary level of understanding, helping us learn why our partner behaves or thinks a certain way.
7 Unexpected Questions To Ask Your Partner Before Getting Engaged Or Walking Down The Aisle
They falsely believe they are going to go through marriage together as husband and wife, just as harmoniously as they navigated their relationship in the beginning. But marriage brings new obstacles and hurdles to relationships that can pop up after a happy engagement. You'll be glad you did. What is your perspective of having one of us being a stay-at-home parent?
Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It signifies the commitment and love you have for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. But love isn't always enough. There are questions to ask before marriage that go beyond love like children, dealing with conflicts, beliefs, finances and extended family. Explore questions to ask before marriage.
100 Deep Relationship Questions To Ask Your Fiancé Before Getting Married
Whether because of shyness, lack of interest or a desire to preserve romantic mystery, many couples do n o t ask each other the difficult questions that can help build the foundation for a stable marriage, according to relationship experts. In addition to wanting someone with whom they can raise children and build a secure life, those considering marriage now expect their spouses to be both best friend and confidant. These romantic-comedy expectations, in part thanks to Hollywood, can be difficult to live up to. It can be hard to keep secrets decade after decade, and reticence before the wedding can lead to disappointments down the line. With the question of children , it is important to not just say what you think your partner wants to hear, according to Debbie Martinez , a divorce and relationship coach. Before marrying, couples should honestly discuss if they want children. How many do they want? At what point do they want to have them?
50 Questions You Must Ask Before Getting Married
100 Questions You Should Ask Before Marriage
13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
10 Important Questions To Ask Before Getting Married