My wife hates her daughter
A man leaves his parents and his wife becomes his focus. Sons grow up, meet girls, get married and voila, a couple is formed. For starters, a mother is no longer No. But it takes a lot of us mothers of sons a few years, maybe decades to realize this. Some of us dig in our heels and continue to play by the old rules.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: My Stepmom Is Too Controlling - i hate my life
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I've been married about a year and a half to my current wife. She came into our marriage with a significant amount of money.
I came in with very little divorce can do that. She has three girls, and I get along great with all three. I have two girls and a boy. Four of our kids are in college, two are in high school, and those two both live most of the time with their other parent. My wife is fine with my youngest daughter and my son. However, she seems to truly hate and I know that's a strong word but it fits my oldest daughter, who is This all seemed to start when my daughter and some of her friends spent New Year's Eve with us.
They partied late and loud, and I totally take the blame for letting that happen. I asked my wife to forgive me and talked to my daughter about it. But now my daughter can't do any good in my wife's eyes. My daughter is putting herself through college and working hard. I'm now making a good salary so I want to help my daughter out every once in a while. When I do, my wife is outraged. I should mention that my wife pays all expenses tuition, rent, clothing, car, insurance, etc. I have no problem with her doing that.
She worked hard to be able to do it. But should she get outraged when I want to help my daughter here and there? The thing is, we see my daughter maybe 4 times a year at the most.
I forgot to mention that the line I get from my wife when I do anything nice for my daughter, or even talk to her, is that I'm choosing my daughter over her and that I love my daughter more than I love her. Need new wife's side of the story. My first thought is there has to be more to this or maybe you are being blind to something.
Course there are some really whacked posters here too. Pretty normal cross-cut. Have some faith in people. Hey, it just didn't sound like you. Don't worry about being nicer and you ARE supportive already. One of the reasons I like to read your posts is that you do tend to say it how you see it and you have some pretty astute observations.
You mention that you went into the marriage pretty broke and yet now handing out cash to your dd No there isnt anything wrong with helping good kids out, but did your wife pay your way for some time and now sees you giving money to your adult dd, when her experience with her was disrespect?
You said the party got out of hand. Were items ruined? Was your wife disrespected by dd and you backed your dd up? It does sound as if there is a bit more to the story whether your daughter or your wife will tell you.
It probably started before the New Years party. It sounds more as if there is a lot of built up resentment and frustration on your wife's part which needs to be addressed or put away. Course some people have a more difficult time "letting go" of their anger. It's probably also about you, how you parent this daughter or how you didn't parent this daughter early on. I think you are a good father to help your daughter out a bit now and then especially since it sounds as if she is doing her part.
Of course I hear my mother's voice in the back of my head: "Wives come and go, but your children are forever. This sounds so much like my experience when I first married DH. For one thing, DH was not quite honest about his financial situation which created unnecessary trust issues. I supported him for years while he paid for SD to go to an expensive college. SD treated me like crap from the first day of our marriage, being a sweetie pie in front of Daddy, totally obnoxious and mean when Daddy was out of the room.
After SD graduated from college, DH continued to send money to her bank account even though she was making quite a bit more than he was. As a result, DH did not save much of a nest egg for his later years - which is now. If some emergency came up for him I would have to either bale him out or end the marriage. I am providing you what is probably your wife's side, and I give to you some advice from personal experience:.
Ask your wife for specifics. Fully listen to what she has to say and give her credit for telling the truth. Do not tell her she is over-reacting or imagining things or that she must be the 'adult'. Present a united presence to your daughter. Tell your daughter that you expect her to respect your wife. Then be a parent to your daughter, one that gives her the greatest gift a parent can give - responsibility for herself. If you can not afford to save up for a decent retirement, you can not afford to pay for your daughter's college.
There is definitely some work to do on the team aspect of your marriage. However, taking your OP at face value and assuming that there is not any notable other extenuating events that have poisoned the relationship between your bride and your eldest daughter then it is time for the fairness and balance discussion with your wife.
All the kids must be treated fairly and equitably. If the agreement is that she supports her and you support yours then she needs clarity that she gets no opinion on you sending your eldest some money occasionally. If she can't be reasonable about how she addressed the topic of your eldest then it is probably time to bare the brides ass on her double standard. Do it directly. We can't have this both ways. Are you using your money or wife's money when you help out your daughter?
If you're using your money and you aren't living off od your wife, then she's out of line to bitch about you giving your kid money. It took many years for my DH to realize that his "wonderful, beautiful, perfect" daughter was not that same person to me or to any of her siblings.
In front of him, she was a respectful young lady. When he was not home, she was the opposite. She was, and is, the queen of passive aggressive behavior and that is hard to see unless you are the recipient of it. Your DD may or may not be like this but be open to the possibility.
One thing that can hurt your relationship with your wife is to try to play the mediator. Were you unhappy with your daughter for the party? Did you make it clear to both your wife and your DH that this behavior was inappropiate and will not be tolerated? When my adult sd spent the deductible money for the car she smashed on a new cell phone, my dh put his arm around her and said "it will be okay".
I was livid and it was really at dh for NOT blowing a fuse at dh. If your wife sees you giving special treatment or considerations for dd then it will be hard to get past this event. First, sit down with your wife and ask her what the real issue is with your daughter. You might need councling to get to the core of it. Maybe your wife is insecure in your relationship. Maybe she really resents the fact that you are broke. Maybe she did not realize that while her kids are forever, yours are not going away just because they are technically adults.
Maybe she sees you as treating sd better than you do her. Maybe she sees the money you are giving sd as money that should be going into the household. Second, negotiate who gets to spend money on what. If you talk about it ahead of time, she can see her own double standards.
You both should have some say in what is spent on all the kids. If she does not want any money spent on kids after they turn 21, then that should apply to her kids when they reach that age. Said out loud and she might be able to see that she will want to give her kids money and that stopping you today will essentially stop her in the future.
If your wife had the money before you got married she should have a right do as she pleases with it. The easiest way to avoid financial disagreements is to keep your personal accounts separate, then contribute equal amounts into a house fund. That way your wife can pay for what she wants and you can pay for what you want.
But remember to save for your retirement so you are not placing a burden on your wife when you retire. Wife hates my adult daughter Forums:. Adult Stepchildren. Frustrated and wondering if this can ever get better. Can you get your wife to post her version? Need new wife's side Agree! What is your daughter's reaction to your wife? Does she seem to like her, respect her?
Love your Children More than you Hate your Spouse
Grounded, do chores, etc. They basically hate each other. So it pretty much tears us apart. She blasts me when I get home about their problems during the day, and I get upset and am basically a worse parent at times because of it.
Search Search. Menu Sections. QI'm married to a woman who is a good deal younger than me and we have a daughter together who is the apple of my eye. She's a great kid and I get no end of enjoyment from her and as I'm only working part-time now I get to spend a lot of time with her, which is a great joy. I was married previously and have grown-up children.
FAMILY QUESTIONS: Dad stressed because teen daughter, new wife hate each other
A user has posted a confessional thread on Reddit , explaining why he "hates" his wife and daughter. The explosive admission, by user OffMyChestPlox, was posted on the platform overnight and began by explaining the start of his and his wife's relationship, "We met too young, We got pregnant too young, We got married too young, I was still basically a child when my child was born, thanks to a faulty birth control implant. I was robbed of any chance of making something of myself, but I was happy back then to see her born. How stupid of me.
My son’s wife has isolated him from our family. What do I do?
The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. This article was published more than 3 years ago. Some information in it may no longer be current. Before my son met and married Jasmine, our family was close and loving. Of course, we had the odd disagreement, from which we quickly recovered.
I've been married about a year and a half to my current wife. She came into our marriage with a significant amount of money. I came in with very little divorce can do that. She has three girls, and I get along great with all three.
Cathleen Brown — Oct 11th, My daughter is Her mother and I divorced four years ago.
About the Author: Dr. When two adults embark upon their journey through divorce, they are often highly concerned about how their divorce will affect their children. While there are many variables that factor into how children fare following divorce, there is one clear factor that researchers and clinicians alike have seen to be a powerful one: the level of contention between parents. When children are exposed to high levels of interparental conflict, they are more at risk for later developing emotional and behavioral problems. Divorce is ranked as one of the most stressful life events, second only to death of a spouse, according to the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory; adults must go through an emotional roller coaster to grieve the multiple losses of their marriage such as their intact family unit, their status within society, and the financial and emotional security.
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My daughter was 16 when she had my grandson. I was a single mom, and the two of them lived with me for a few years. She eventually got into low-income housing.