How to get emotionally close to my girlfriend
What is an emotional connection? If you listen, are there signs that tell you that you are bonding with someone? Why is finding that level of emotional security so difficult with the opposite sex? Learn the ins and outs of an emotional connection and why it is necessary to bond emotionally in order to build a relationship.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 5 Reasons Why You Get Emotionally Attached Too Soon - Adam LoDolce
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 6 Tips on How to Have a Strong RelationshipContent:
- How To Build An Emotional Connection
- What can you do to make your Long Distance Relationship work?
- 11 Hacks Scientifically Proven To Make You Feel Closer To Your Partner
- Dealing with an unreliable partner
- Am I in a Healthy Relationship?
- Emotional Intelligence in Love and Relationships
- How to Become Emotionally Closer With Your Girlfriend
- Toxic Relationships
- 10 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable
How To Build An Emotional Connection
With few exceptions, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. And yet no area of human endeavor seems more fraught with challenges and difficulties than our relationships with others.
Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort. We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their idiosyncrasies, their faults, their moods, etc.
Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work. We are not clones but individuals, and some individuals in relationships are going to have more difficulties, more disagreements. And then there are toxic relationships. These relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, if not corrected, to be extremely harmful to our well being.
These relationships are not necessarily hopeless, but they require substantial and difficult work if they are to be changed into something healthy. The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it more about this later. By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.
While a healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and emotional energy, a toxic relationship damages self-esteem and drains energy. A healthy relationship is a safe relationship, a relationship where we can be ourselves without fear, a place where we feel comfortable and secure. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is not a safe place. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control. We risk our very being by staying in such a relationship.
To say a toxic relationship is dysfunctional is, at best, an understatement. Keep in mind that it takes two individuals to have a toxic relationship. And we must ask, Why? And what, if anything can we do short of leaving that might help mend such a relationship? Even a good relationship may have brief periods of behaviors we could label toxic on the part of one or both partners.
Human beings, after all, are not perfect. Few of us have had any formal education in how to relate to others. As mentioned above, however, dysfunction is the norm in a toxic relationship. The toxic partner engages in inappropriate controlling and manipulative behaviors on pretty much a daily basis.
Paradoxically, to the outside world, the toxic partner often behaves in an exemplary manner. While these relationships are not necessarily irreparable, I cannot emphasize too much how destructive they are.
Power sharing does not occur in any significant way in a toxic relationship. And while power struggles are normal in any relationship, particularly in the early stages of a marriage, toxic relationships are characterized by one partner absolutely insisting on being in control. Keep in mind, the methods used by such an individual to control his or her partner in a toxic relationship may or may not be readily apparent, even to their partner. These categories should not be seen as exclusive.
Frequently, a toxic individual will use several types of controlling behaviors to achieve his or her ends. In reality, however, this individual is not a victim, at least not in the sense that they are helpless to do anything about their relationship.
This type of toxic individual will constantly belittle you. He or she will make fun of you, essentially implying that pretty much anything you say that expresses your ideas, beliefs, or wants is silly or stupid. A toxic partner will not hesitate to belittle you in public, in front of your friends or family.
The toxic partner wants all the decision making power. Again, it is noteworthy that this type of emotionally abusive partner rarely shows this side of his or her self to the outside world. He or she is frequently seen as a pleasant, easy-going person who almost everyone likes.
This disowning of responsibility for their dysfunctional behavior is typical of a toxic partner. A toxic relationship can, of course, occur not only between two individuals in a committed relationship, but also between friends or parents and their adult children.
For guilt-prone individuals, anything or anyone that removes guilt is very desirable and potentially almost addictive, so the guilt inducer has an extremely powerful means of control at their disposal. Incidentally, guilt induction is the most common form of control used by a toxic parent s to control their adult children.
Frequently, a spouse or significant other will disguise their guilt-inducing control by seemingly supporting a decision you make — i. As with all toxic behaviors, guilt-inducing is designed to control your behavior so your toxic partner, parent, or friend gets what he or she wants.
You find yourself comforting them instead of getting comfort yourself. Odd as it may seem, one method of toxic control is for your partner to be so passive that you have to make most decisions for them. These toxic controllers want you to make virtually every decision for them, from where to go to dinner to what car to buy.
Remember, not deciding is a decision that has the advantage of making someone else — namely you — responsible for the outcome of that decision. Passivity can be an extremely powerful means of control.
This toxic individual will only rarely keep his or her commitments. Something always comes up. As a result, they control you by making it next to impossible for you to make commitments or plans.
The anxiety you feel in such a relationship can, and often does, eat away at your emotional and physical health. Users — especially at the beginning of a relationship — often seem to be very nice, courteous, and pleasant individuals.
What makes a relationship with a user toxic is its one way nature and the fact that you will end up never having done enough for them. Users are big time energy drainers who will in fact leave you if they find someone else who will do more for them. This type of toxic individual is really bad news.
These toxic individuals will become more and more suspicious and controlling as time goes on. Over time they will work hard to eliminate any meaningful relationships you have with friends, and sometimes even with family. They do not see themselves in a relationship with you; they see themselves as possessing you.
Your efforts to reassure a toxic possessive about your fidelity and commitment to them will be in vain. If you stay in a relationship with such an individual you will cease to really have a life of your own. Keep in mind that the toxicity of the above individuals is clearly a matter of degree. You may have experienced some, if not all, of these behaviors — hopefully in a mild form — occasionally in your relationships.
In a toxic relationship these behaviors are the norm, not the exception. Most of us manipulate once in a while, play helpless, induce guilt, etc. What distinguishes a toxic relationship is both the severity of these behaviors and how frequently they occur. So why do people behave in toxic ways and why do others put up with such behaviors? Their partners stay with toxic individuals because they too believe they are unlovable and that no one would willingly meet their needs.
Occasionally, particularly in the case of the toxic user, narcissism may be part of the problem, but narcissism itself is often a reaction to underlying insecurity. And while there certainly are things an individual can do to attempt to change the way a toxic partner behaves, most of my clients are often hesitant to do them, fearing their toxic partner may leave the relationship. So before you attempt to confront a toxic partner, make sure your self-esteem and self-confidence are good enough for you to know that you will be all right if they end the relationship with you or you end up having to end it with them.
The bad news is that you cannot change your partner. The good news is that you can change yourself which may lead you to behave differently with your partner, resulting in your partner deciding to change his or her behavior.
Essentially what you do is calmly but firmly confront the toxic behavior. You do this by identifying the behavior s to your partner, letting him or her know they are no longer acceptable, and suggesting alternate behaviors that would work better. Actually, it is. Once again, you have to believe you deserve to be treated with courtesy, compassion, and respect in a relationship or you will not continue the relationship.
When you first confront a toxic partner you can expect that he or she will actually escalate their controlling behaviors. You have to be able to handle whatever they do. You have to stay calm and firm and simply repeat your request. If your partner refuses to change, consider separating from the relationship for 30 days.
You should then talk with them again, repeat your requests, and let them know that you will not stay in the relationship if they continue their toxic behavior. If they once again refuse to change, you need to end the relationship. If they promise to change but relapse, repeat the cycle one more time. If they then seek appropriate help and you have reasonable confidence that they will not physically abuse you again, you may consider whether or not you want to return to the relationship.
What if you have a parent s who behave in a toxic manner? If your parent s refuse to change their behavior which, as mentioned above, will usually be control by toxic guilt induction, you will need to severely limit their contact with you. Not an easy task, but by taking control — for example by limiting phone calls, or by you choosing when you do or do not see them, etc.
Tom Cory has lived in Chattanooga for 35 years. Today he practices clinical psychology specializing in interpersonal and marital therapy. Tom can be reached at tompatcory aol. Choosing A Compatible Partner. Back to Live Well.
What can you do to make your Long Distance Relationship work?
Emotional intelligence EQ is the secret of lasting intimate relationships, largely because it makes us extremely aware of the changes—large and small—that are constantly occurring in ourselves and others. We have the potential to attain the kind of love we all dream of—deep intimacy, mutual kindness, real commitment, soulful caring—simply because of empathy, our innate ability to share emotional experience. We have the potential to attain the kind of love we all dream of —deep intimacy and mutual kindness, real committed, soulful caring—simply because of empathy and our innate ability to share emotional experience.
Ask each other personal questions. Some, like Dr. You can take this quiz and learn yours. Show interest in the things they like. No, this does not mean you have to actually like it or pretend to like it yourself.
11 Hacks Scientifically Proven To Make You Feel Closer To Your Partner
After endless searching, you finally found someone worth holding onto. But through certain circumstances, you find yourself separated from the one you love by miles and miles of distance. First of all, be comforted in knowing that long distance relationships can absolutely succeed. In fact, most couples find themselves geographically separated at some point during their dating or marriage relationship. Many couples even point to a season of long distance as the cornerstone of a stronger relationship. With that in mind, our team of relationship experts at Lasting have compiled a list of their very best tips for maintaining, surviving, and even thriving in a long distance relationship or long distance marriage. But in the meantime, here are some therapist-approved recommendations to strengthen your emotional connection, ease the ache of geographic separation, and help your relationship go the distance.
Dealing with an unreliable partner
At the less serious end of the spectrum, it can be things like always being a bit late when you arrange to meet up or taking longer than you would like to reply to texts. More seriously, it can take the form of emotionally draining behaviours. An unreliable partner is unpredictable in the way they treat people: freezing their partner out and refusing to talk stonewalling or swinging between being kind and short-tempered. A lack of reliability can be really damaging in relationships because it can make it more difficult to trust someone.
Image by Brat Co. If we want more depth and intimacy and joy in our relationships, we're going to have to develop more emotional connection with our partners, our friends, our family, our co-workers. It's that simple and that challenging.
Am I in a Healthy Relationship?
Having a romantic partner can be one of the happiest and most fulfilling things in your life. But sometimes, you may wish that you could be a little closer. Maybe one of you has a hard time opening up or you feel a distance growing between you. If you feel yourself wanting to get closer to your romantic partner, openly communicate your desire.
We think that in order for us to be happy, the other person needs to be or do something different. While it may be true that sometimes there are some changes we need to make, oftentimes being happy and getting what we desire has more to do with our own awareness. We think that we have to spend a lot more time together and have long deep conversations to bring out the level of intimacy we truly desire. In the beginning of my relationship I felt really close to my partner and we loved learning new things about each other. I felt a deep connection just by looking in his eyes and not saying anything.
Emotional Intelligence in Love and Relationships
Being emotionally close to your girlfriend benefits you personally as well as your relationship. Not only will you feel more fulfilled as a couple, you will build a loving foundation that is the basis for a healthy long-term relationship. However, building emotional closeness with your girlfriend happens in stages, rather than all at once. Although there is no substitute for time with regard to creating a close bond, you can focus on a few key elements to make the process speed along. Disclose personal and relatively confidential information to your girlfriend, such as information about your background, family relationships, hopes and dreams. A study in the psychology journal "Personal Relationships" found that couples who regularly shared personal information with each other liked each other more than couples who did not. This is one of the most powerful ways to build emotional closeness. In fact, in the same study, when strangers disclosed personal information to each other, they tended to report greater closeness.
Unless you're still in the honeymoon phase, it's not always easy to feel strongly connected to your partner. Life gets in the way, work keeps you really busy, and before you know it, you haven't had a tender moment with them in a while. It happens to the best of us — yes, I'm sure that even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have to contend with it. Luckily, psychiatrist Mark Goulston conducted studies several years ago to see what kinds of habits are commonly seen in happy couples.
How to Become Emotionally Closer With Your Girlfriend
It's totally normal to look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship isn't as healthy as it should be. Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well.
10 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable